Giving all you've got

As a young woman I believed the world was at my fingertips, ready to bow down at my feet as I walked by. I thought I could do anything I wanted in life. Dreams filled my brain making it hard to sleep at night. I dreamt of wild things like a big house, a prestigious college degree, and a career that would leave my name jotted down in history books. I wanted to be remembered as more than a rancher’s daughter, but as I got older these dreams and desires started to weigh on my soul. 

I was becoming less and less satisfied with each new dream that floated through my head. At first I dreamt of becoming a nurse. What better way to leave your mark than by saving people’s lives? But as I worked toward that goal I realized it did not fulfill my thirst for success. There are so many nurses out there, I wanted more recognition than that. So I looked into Microbiology, the Army, even presidency (not exaggerating, wish I was though). I put hours of research into these careers to the point that they dominated my mind. I was so afraid of making the wrong career choice because I did not want to miss out on my one chance to “climb the ladder”. I didn’t want to waste the only life I had doing something that didn’t leave a legacy. I wanted to be remembered, I wanted to be in books and literature. I had big dreams. The world applauded me for this. But did God?

This world stresses that we can have all we want in life as long as we work hard and it makes us happy. For so long I had  I justified myself , saying I would do it all for God’s glory. In all actuality though, it was for my glory, which is now very obvious. Everything I worked so hard for was to put my own name in history books, not God’s. The unsatisfaction I felt towards life ate me alive. It held me tightly in it’s grip until I was so engulfed with selfish desires that I put God on the back burner. My “dreams” demanded my attention, my energy, my all. The world told me that I could have everything I wanted in life and be happy, so why wasn’t it happening? Why was I still so unhappy? 

I was unhappy for one simple reason: I was not in God’s will. Our mission in life is to glorify Christ and spread the Good News. The path I was wanting to walk did not glorify Him because my heart was not in the right place. There are many nurses, scientists, military women, and politicians that glorify Christ, but if I had continued to pursue these careers with selfish ambitions I would not have been one of these people that brought honor to Him. 

After my change of heart, I prayed for God’s will in my life. In my own pursuit of happiness, I wanted college degrees and an almost unreachable career. However, as I prayed, God’s will for my life was to stay where I was at. I was led to be a newsletter writer and website builder at a small ministry in an even smaller town. He wanted me to pursue ministry and put college on the back burner. Instead of the world bowing to my feet, I bowed to the Lords. The only way my unsatisfied heart would reach contentment was by giving it ALL the the One who created it. Would the world applaud me for this? No. But would God? Yes. And that’s all I need.